Have you ever met someone, had to work with someone, or regularly see someone who doesn’t seem to like you? Perhaps this person has even gone so far as to say untruths about you to others you know? I was speaking to a friend about this. She was describing a woman who for several years at her place of work, seemed to have it out for her. She would weekly go to the supervisor and make up stories of how my friend was doing a poor job or wasn’t following the rules.
I’ve also experienced this. I’m sure most of us have in some form or another. My friend asked me how I deal with that. And I replied, “I’ve learned that those situations are an opportunity for me to love myself more.” She queried in a surprised tone, “Love yourself, or them, more.” I repeated, “Love myself more.” My friend said, “That’s an interesting perspective, can you explain.”
Here’s an expanded version of my thoughts on the subject.
Someone else having an “issue” with me, gives me a great opportunity to check myself. Am I operating from a place of love and light? Am I being honest with myself about that or am I somehow making excuses for myself and justifying less than loving behavior. We all go “unconscious” at times. It’s just part of life. Like the receding and then the crest and crash of the wave. All different phases of the same drop of water. It’s healthy to check in; kind of like when you are doing yoga, and you look and check yourself in positions, to see where you can align even more, or stretch deeper. In yoga there is no such thing as the perfect pose; most poses are endless. There’s always deeper places to go, even for those who practice daily for years. I know a woman who has practiced yoga daily for over fifteen years, who talks about how she went further into her shoulder stretch yesterday than she ever was able to before, but she knows it’s not the end, there’s more. I recall this surprised me at first. My ego/judging mind said, “Well that’s obsessive, or perhaps self-indulgent.” (I chuckle when I hear what my ego says sometimes.) When in truth, it’s the perfect analogy for the purpose of life being about the ongoing journey, every moment, and not ever, the destination.
So, as my friend checks in with herself, she may find that she’s judging this woman at work for judging her. Well, that’s a dead-end street, isn’t it?
I may also find that indeed I am showing up loving and being the light. And perhaps another sees my light and does not know how to access that love and light within. Maybe he or she feels surrounded in a lack of true self-worth, and perhaps that even clouds his or her view of my light so the Real Me isn’t being seen at all. All this person is seeing is a reflection of his or her own darkness. It’s an interesting thing what two people at the same place and time will see. It’s like five witnesses to the same car accident, and they each have a different report of who is as fault. This is why it is true that our perceptions of the outer world are always based on our inner view or experience of ourselves.
So, yes, someone may indeed be jealous of my light, and not knowing how to create that within, he or she judges it and trys to make me wrong for it. The optimum word here is “trys.” It’s actually impossible for to, if, and only if, I am truly loving myself, believing in myself, am confident in my light, and I am being authentic. And if that is so, there is no need for me to take offense. I know its untrue. I know the truth of me and who I’m being. So, I go back to the statement that “those situations are an opportunity for me to love myself more.” I don’t need to love someone anymore than I do. I can just appreciate him or her for showing up in my life script as is – a reminder to me, to check myself, to love myself more fully, to be authentic, to share my light more deeply – like the yoga stretch, what deeper place of love for myself have I yet to reach? And just like that magnificent feeling after each and every yoga class, where I am conscious of my practice, I am empowered.
Just as my friend was surprised by my answer, that it was love myself more, instead of love her more, I believe, I was taught from a Christian perspective and upbringing that we are to “love our neighbors as we love ourselves.” What I find interesting about that is, we often put less emphasis on the love ourselves part of that statement and find ourselves pouring love out to others, in hopes that they will “change.” That is the most disempowering place to be. You don’t have control over another person, no matter how much love you pour out into them! Your great love pouring into them doesn’t change them. Their own great self-love pouring into themselves changes them. And the way someone “gets that” best is to “see” it modeled for them in YOU. Think about it. Let me know your thoughts on the matter.
Love and Joy, Spryte