by Spryte Loriano
maybe today I don’t want to write
maybe today I want to do nothing
maybe today I want to paint or dance, or just breathe
maybe today I want to touch the sky,
open my wings and see if i can fly
or maybe today i want to cry.
and maybe today I want to die – to the part of me I learned to be
and maybe I get to be free –
and maybe I get to be Me.
I don’t know why
I feel like I could be at the top of a mountain with my hands up high
and screaming with all my might;
and I don’t know why
I feel like I could be running naked on the beach with nothing
but the sand between my toes and feeling exposed;
and I don’t know if it matters that I know.
and I rather think it doesn’t, so
I just breathe into the love inside
and make a promise to myself and to you that I
will not die to
the love and the hope and the light that is burning a new path to your door –
and feeling stronger than I ever have before,
and that I see what all the learning was for.
so that I could be free –
and that I, get to be Me.
Written by the fifteen year old girl inside. Who I was then, when she first left. My sister whom I hardly knew, and never would for three decades. And that sadness I’ve carried for so much of my life, that had no where to go- though I prayed, I forgave, I cried, and I gave- and had no way to heal it except by her face, her voice, her presence , has now been redeemed. She is home. And so am I.